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doggone funny

I know a man, he flat out asked me to be his friend.

When things start out like that there's only one way they can end.

The last time I was asked that question I was just turnin’ ten.

That's the age where you're still not playing life's pretend.

It's a question that you make believe doesn’t offend

Like when a bad penny asks if you’ve got money to lend.

I was thinking of quickly saying, "Come again?"

But that's already a "No" and "Yes" was out of the question

Cause I couldn’t pretend, you see I never left the age of ten.

So I said,"No", to insure that ten would never end.

It is a funny question, though, to ask someone you want as a friend.


I know a man he's the friendliest man around.

He walks up the hill backwards when he's leaving town.

He says cause walking up hill is harder than walking down.

What's funny is he also walks backwards when he's coming back down.

I guess I should tell you that his feet point the wrong way around.


I know a man with lots of friends and a joke for everything.

At the funeral of an ex-friend just before the choir sings

He eyes the widow and says, "One man's end is another's beginning."

It’s funny how in humor perfect timing is the thing.


I know a man he befriends every mirage that he sees

Cause he's not too sure about reality.

He told me once he's got a mirror image mind

He sees reflections all the time

So telling left from right can put him in a bind

And his only comfort is staring into a deep black mine.

What's funny is that he parts his hair in the middle

It's the only true answer to the reality riddle.


I know a man he says you can't trust logic.

It'll show you the light of day in a closet,

The word of god in the demonic,

Human nature in the technologic

The universe in a grain of sand

And the absolute on the other hand.


My best friend said to me the other day

"You know how I'm always pickin' up strays?

Well, I was in the woods, I'd lost my way

When I saw something that caused disarray.

A dog dressed as Charley Chaplain holding paws with a bunny”.

I thought to myself, "Now that's a dog gone funny”.