uncle Sam Johnson
Boswell has explained
To much acclaim
All, save one anomaly.
Why Samuel Johnson ceased to use
As though from abuse
The cutest of all, the letter "p".
It falls to this song.
Feel free an' sing along.
To reveal the reason to thee.
Pull up a chair
Let down your hair.
Here's some afternoon tea.
Samuel Johnson swam in letters,
Better than better,
Letters from "a" to "z".
Penned them all
Till one fall
When he banned the letter "p".
Ice had formed
From an early ice storm
For which there was no lee.
A man without cause
For only just because
Struck Sam yelling, "You be he!"
"Indeed I am
Everyone's uncle Sam,
I give refuge from the storm.
But you be a scoundrel
And deserve to be renown well.
You have earned eternal scorn."
"But sir I be a patriot
And forget you not
This protects me to my last."
"Patriot be damned,
You're not even a man
'Tis certain you are an ass."
So the letter "p"
For uncle Sam came to be
Shunned, an absentee.
For the rest of his pages
Then for all ages
Not again did he write the letter "p".
Except one more time
To describe a crime
Past all that is doubtful
Uncle Sam's fight,
Uncle Sam's light,
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel".